July flies by

I stared at my computer screen for the longest time this morning, searching for an answer, but still simply lost.

July 29.

That's the date that popped up on my Outlook calendar when I booted up. My old-school paper calendar, dangling off a crooked nail, confirmed it: yep, it's July 29.

Still, I was overwhelmed with confusion and denial. How could it actually be July 29th already?

This month has flown by.

It's been such a great July; I've really loved it. Yes, love ... even though it was in the summer.

I've made it pretty clear in the past that I am not a summer girl; I'm an autumn girl. Yet, this past month has been a delight, right up there with the best of Septembers. Even though I spent most of it sick. Even though it rained too much. Even though it was swamp-level humid. Even though my hair was shaggy and unruly.

Even with all that, it was full of good stuff.

We started the month with a beach vacation in Michigan, my favorite vacation destination.

27 years and counting ...

And then we celebrated the Fourth at home.

The garden gave.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at growing cukes. Just sayin' ...

The days were long and ended in glorious swirls of melted crayons.

We played games and feasted like kings on fried chicken and donated desserts at our church picnic.

We had some Christmas in July treats here at home, plus a double feature of Elf and Christmas Vacation.

Choc-dipped pretzels, fudge and mint choc chip cookies.

And school started today.

Maybe - just maybe - summer is finally winning me over.

Actually, that's not it.

It's so humid right now, when I step outside it feels like I just dressed myself in a warm, wet wool sweater that's been soaked in a sticky, flat Pepsi and locked in a plastic storage tote that's been stored in the hellish, fiery sun.

So, um, no. It's definitely not a love affair between summer and me.

But July 2015 ... it's been one heck of a fling.

Renewed and resolved

It's the new year and the world is flush with declarations of the gonna-dos ahead: gonna get healthy; gonna quit some terrible habit; gonna get a better job/house/car/partner; gonna get the finances in order.

Gonna do a lot of good things.

We're two weeks in the new year ... gonna keep that resolution? If you are a resolution maker, I wish you the best of luck.

I mentioned before that I don't usually make resolutions at the first of the year. I like to evaluate my life closer to my birthday in March.

Still, as we wrap up the celebration of Christ's arrival at Christmas, it does make sense to assess our lives. Christ brought with Him redemption. That second chance is the true gift of Christmas and one that should not go unappreciated.

I have to admit, my holiday season was hectic. I felt overwhelmed, overextended, overcommitted and, by the time Christmas arrived ... well, over it all.

It felt petty to have the blues when I know how very fortunate and truly blessed I am. But that's how I felt. It was my reality.

I also had the flu for the first time since 1996 and it was certainly not mood enhancing.

So, with New Year's Day, came renewed health (thanks, Tamiflu!) and a real desire to climb out of this unusual holiday funk.

We've just passed the darkest days of the year, and with each day, we step closer to greater light. Again, it makes sense to begin a new - or renewed - journey of self discovery as the days begin to slowly stretch longer. Those streaks of orange-pink-purple in the sky at 6:15 p.m. are a most welcome reminder that we need not remain in darkness for long.

I want to be ready to greet the light as it dawns with a renewed sense of hope and appreciation. Like all those yearly resolution-makers out there, I want to be a better version of me. The best way I know to do that is not by making a list of goals of questionable attainability, but by paring down.

I am resolved to listen.

That's right: listen.

Just listen.

Listen to God when He calls me.

Listen to what my heart tells me.

Listen to what others are telling me by their words or actions.

Too many times, I run on autopilot: do this, go here, be that, change this. I am pulled in a lot of different directions, trying to do a lot and be a lot for a lot of people. I get distracted and my priorities get jumbled. I lose myself.

I am resolved to be still. I will be quiet. I will listen.

My hope is to turn off autopilot and do, go, be, change - whatever is needed - with renewed focus and genuine intention.

So, how am I going to do this?

The only way I possibly can: prayer.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6

It's ok

Thanksgiving is gone. Was it ever really here? Seems it was just Halloween and then magically - commercially, at least - Christmas.

Still, there is much for which to be thankful. In fact, I always feel thankful, no matter what the season. When asked to describe myself in one word, I always respond with, "grateful." Thanksgiving is the official holiday of gratitude, but for me, my level of appreciation soars at Christmas.

So, as we make that transition from autumn toward winter, harvest to Advent, Thanksgiving to Christmas - I find myself feeling ... eh, kind of meh about it all.

That's not like me.

I love Christmas. It tickles my heart: the music, the cheery decor and the long, cozy nights. I like the challenge of finding gifts and treats for the special people in my life, and the thrill of making it happen within a reasonable budget. I feel good about sharing with others; reaching out to those who could use a hand.

I anticipate the Christmas season just like a child, counting down the days, savoring the wait. To me, Christmas is all the superficial things like twinkle lights and beautifully wrapped presents and 4,000 versions of Jingle Bell Rock on the radio - and it's also so much more. It becomes a manifestation of my grateful heart, truly a season of renewal and hope.

And as I get ready to flip the calendar to its last page, I find myself feeling ... empty.

Is it ok to not feel excited about the Christmas season yet?

Is it ok to feel that way and not understand why?

Is it ok to go through the motions - decorating, treat making, shopping - in hopes that joy will eventually bubble up and gush forth like it usually does much sooner than now?

Is it ok to be like this?

Yes. It's ok.

No matter what the calendar says, or how many poorly executed Hallmark Channel movies are on constant rotation, or how many tired standards the radio stations play ad nauseam, or how many better-than-Black-Friday sales the retailers push, the truth, for me at least, is that Christmas is a matter of heart.

And it's ok if my heart isn't feeling it yet.

At first, I felt a little worried - what's wrong with me? - that perhaps my lack of Christmas spirit meant a lack of gratitude. It's a slippery slope once we start taking the blessings in our lives for granted. Truth is, there's so much pressure from all around to love, love, love Christmas at the very first available moment. It's the freaking most wonderful time of the year, and that time of the year begins earlier and earlier ... and the weight of getting on board with that can leave a soul feeling hollow.

So I've decided it's ok. It's ok to not have the spirit yet. It's ok to be just be how I am in the moment because I know moments like these will pass.

And there's still time for the spirit to arrive, and it's ok to wait for it to come to me instead of me grasping for it.

Heck, it's not even December yet.

... and then it was November

It's been well over a week since Halloween swept in and out in the whisk of a broom.

There were plenty of treats.

Oreo truffle eyeballs

Choc-dipped pretzel monster fingers

And tricks.

The weather proved to be the biggest trickster of all. There was rain. Then came the cold. Like, I-can't-feel-my-ass cold. Then blow-the-hat-off-a-witch's-head wind.

Then it snowed.

Snowed. In October. For the first time in 21 years.

And then it was November.

And apparently Christmas.

While we're not celebrating Christmas just yet at our house, it's on the radio, on TV and in all the stores already, well ensconced since Halloween or even before. Holiday lights twinkle from neighborhood homes.

Already.

Our garage is full of Halloween décor yet to be processed and put away. We are not even thinking about Christmas yet.

I don't want Christmas to totally slap me in the face the day after Thanksgiving, but this autumn has been fun, hectic and lovely and I am not ready to hand it over to jingling bells just yet.

Besides, it's still November. And we will do November-y things like mulch fallen leaves, put the gardens to bed, buy new long-sleeved shirts for an ever-growing teen, attend all sorts of band and church events, spend time with friends, enjoy the fleeting fall temps ...

And panic.

It's already November ... and Christmas is just a month away.

A look around

Gosh, it's been awhile since I've been in this space. I've been busy and blogging has not been a priority in this girl's life.

Don't take that personally; I love you.

This fall has been full. My schedule doth overflow. I'm not bragging and I'm not complaining. I'm just busy.

I don't know a single person who, when asked, "So, things been busy?" would answer with anything other than an exasperated affirmation. We tend to fill our time. Being busy - especially for women - is often a brag-y kind of badge of honor: "I'm so busy" = "I'm so important/needed/essential etc." To admit otherwise makes us seem somehow less in a society that constantly compares.

That said, I have no problem admitting I've experienced profound boredom.With that came a heaping portion of depression and loneliness. Idle hands/devil's workshop sort of stuff.

No thanks.

And so I will always appreciate being busy. Even if I feel as though life will swallow me right up at any moment.

Work commitments, pressing deadlines and a lousy construction-laden daily commute swell my weekday calendar. Outside of that, there are community and church volunteer commitments on an almost daily basis.

Plus, lest we forget, I'm a wife and mom. Carving out family time has been a challenge, but we did manage a fall break family vacation to Washington DC.

My son's high school marching band season is in full swing and so we are up early and out late every weekend. My butt is in the bleachers a lot - at home football games on Fridays and at contests almost every Saturday.

I love it. I really do. 

Oh, and I've been sick ... like four-rounds-of-antibiotics sick with various maladies since August.

So there's that.

Low energy and an overwrought schedule have been my challenges this fall. It's hard to stay on track. At times, I wonder if am I veering without noticing, like a sleepy driver behind the wheel.

That's why it's good to hit the brakes and take a look around.

Get your bearings.

Remember where you've been.

See where you are.

Bask in the moment.

Look at the road ahead.

My truth is this: my life is hectic. It is overwhelming.

And it is infinitely blessed.

I took one of the photos in Washington DC of the Washington Monument, and all the rest here in Indiana at a band contest in Greenwood, at Mount Saint Francis, at Perrin Park in Jeffersonville and along the country roads of Floyd County. These are my photos, unedited, no filters, no Instagram.

This is what I see when I stop and take a look around.

Still summer

School started here last week.

Yes, last week.

When it was still July.

School ended in June ... and started again in July. They went to school every month this past year.

That's a shift for us here, a shift that began last school year to a "balanced" calendar. School starts earlier, but now includes longer, two-week breaks in the fall, at the traditional winter break and in the spring.

Not everyone in the school district is a fan of this schedule, but we like it. It works for us as a family. My husband and I work year-round and we are better able to take time off together as a family with the breaks spread throughout the year.

My son enjoyed his shortened summer. He packed in all the summertime things a teen should: camping, fishing, swimming, sleeping in, time with friends, movies, cookouts, books, bike rides, running, band camp, a 10-day trip to the beach and a day at an amusement/water park. He took a driver's ed class, got his learner's permit and spent a good deal of time behind the wheel carting his parents around. It was a good summer.

And it still is.

Even though school is in session, it's still summer. Summer didn't come to a screeching halt when the school bus doors swung open.

Summer break is over for the kids here, but summer itself still rages on. And if summer is your season, then there's still time to enjoy the best parts of it, even if doing so requires working around the last bell of the school day.

There's still time for cherry tomatoes from the garden.

There's still time for flowers to bloom.

There's still time for long walks down a winding road with a friend.

There's still time for cooling rain showers.

There's still time for burgers on the grill.

There's still time for a big bowl of syrup-draped ice cream or chunks of sweet watermelon.

There's still time for tales by the campfire or even a picnic.

There's still time for a stroll by the lake or on the golf course.

 There's still time for farms to produce and provide.

There's still time to be carefree..

There's still time for the sun to hover a little longer and bless us with evening light.

There's still time for mosquitos, snakes, ticks, sweaty bras, sun burns on the back of your legs, and dried-up lawns, too ... but I'm aiming for the positive in this post, so I'll downplay all that.

Truth be told, it's been a beautiful summer here. Relatively mild temps, with several evenings spent sleeping with the windows open. That almost never happens here May through August ... unless you like to sleep in a stifling oven in the humid kitchen of hell while being marinated in the sweat of Satan himself.

This year, however, it's been so darn pleasant, it's the first summer in a long time that I haven't wished it away pining for fall to arrive and set me free from the AC prison.

So even though we are back to the familiar rhythm of the school year so soon after the end of the last one, I really can't complain.

Change is coming.

But there's still time to make the most of the season while the season lasts.